On Wednesday, for one day only, several thousand of the unemployed and unemployable will make their way into UK workplaces. Most will have exceptionally low IQs and will be capable of following only the simplest instructions. Many also will have halitosis and be inclined to behave with inappropriate friendliness or sudden hostility.
The occasion is Take Your Dogs to Work Day, an event that its organisers promise will raise morale and productivity – and money for the charity behind it.
The scheme is a considerable improvement on Take Your Children to Work Day, on which it is modelled. In that scheme, pretty much everyone loses. The children lose because an office is a boring place for a 10-year-old: there is only so much colouring-in that even a docile child is prepared to undertake. The parent loses because having a restive child at their elbow when they are trying to fill in their expenses can be stressful. And colleagues lose because they feel obliged to stop by and ask: “How old are you?” And: “Are you having a good time?” Questions from which interesting conversations seldom follow.