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How can I avoid the World Cup?

It’s the longest ever. What’s a non-football fan to do?

Easy; just spend the summer in one of those non-footballing nations that aren’t taking part. You know, like Italy or Ireland. Scotland should also be safe after the first week or two, although the peace will still be shattered by Scots cheering for whoever England is playing.

Also, you should really enjoy the coming week first. You have been blessed with a full 12 days between the Champions League final and the start of the World Cup so try to enjoy that. Stay away from the TV though if you don’t want to be sideswiped by documentaries on the Lions of ’66, the Caracals of ’18 or the Mangy House Cats of ’14. And World Cup songs will be hard to escape. There’s no official song apparently, but we must be due another re-release of “Three Lions”, now with an additional 30 years of hurt.

By the end of next week, your soccer-less summer will already be over. And, oh boy, is it over. This is the longest World Cup ever, expanded to allow even higher revenue for Fifa and to spread its reach into those soccer minnows that rarely qualify like, well, Scotland.

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